Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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