Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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