then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize