Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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