she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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