dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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