Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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