she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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