I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize