My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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