And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
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I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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