Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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