everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize