we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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