I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize