he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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