First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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