i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
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Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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