I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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