Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
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I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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