apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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