guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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