6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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