i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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