my phone needs a breathalizer
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize