you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize