My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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