Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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