omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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