he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize