Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize