i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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