At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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