Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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