I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize