just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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