Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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