he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize