somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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