Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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