oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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