I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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