i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize