He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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