I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
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Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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