i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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