Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We got so high we made milksteak
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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