I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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