Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.

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(203): i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse. http://tfl.nu/mns9

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(850): View more from Florida

She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.

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(850): She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November. http://tfl.nu/riz6

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i dont even know how to be here

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(973): i dont even know how to be here http://tfl.nu/mwy9

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(301): View more from Maryland

look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

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(301): look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/j0tt

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(269): View more from Michigan

i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week

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(269): i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week http://tfl.nu/99uq

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.

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(859): I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat. http://tfl.nu/m2ko

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.

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(814): shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step. http://tfl.nu/6g1i

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.

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(814): Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now. http://tfl.nu/xg11

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(910): View more from North Carolina

there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....

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(910): there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time.... http://tfl.nu/4vkt

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.

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(502): She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't. http://tfl.nu/5w3y

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.

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(484): After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me. http://tfl.nu/p7tl

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(850): View more from Florida

Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.

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(850): Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award. http://tfl.nu/qxv7

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(585): View more from New York

There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn

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(585): There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn http://tfl.nu/f3ez

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(614): View more from Ohio

I was convinced to buy a man thong.

(614): View more from Ohio

But it's Armani so it's okay.

(614): View more from Ohio

God I just out gayed myself.

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(614): I was convinced to buy a man thong. (614): But it's Armani so it's okay. (614): God I just out gayed myself. http://tfl.nu/dlfj

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(434): View more from Virginia

i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...

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(434): i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet... http://tfl.nu/ym2b

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