The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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